


Still Will I Hold You Dear

by Emiline



Category: The Worst Witch (TV 2017)
Genre: Agatha is the self-destructive voice in Ada's head, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Image, Endgame Domestic Fluff, Endgame Hackle, F/F, Friendship, Hecate Hardbroom & Pippa Pentangle Friendship, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Misunderstandings, Self-Esteem Issues, body acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 19:16:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14315379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emiline/pseuds/Emiline
Summary: At first, Ada was delighted that Hecate and Pippa were rekindling their friendship.In which Ada slowly becomes more and more uneasy with Hecate and Pippa’s relationship, and it takes her a while to figure out why.Angst with a happy ending.





	Still Will I Hold You Dear

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by @witchy-boo on tumblr's post here: http://witchy-boo.tumblr.com/post/171830686170/is-it-bad-that-i-wanna-readwrite-some-hackle
> 
> @witchy-boo's post was a bit longer but the part that inspired this fic was:
> 
>  
> 
> _is it bad that I wanna read/write some Hackle angst where Ada feels inadequate bc of her height/weight/age in comparison to Pippa and Hecate has to call Ada out on her nonsense and show her how much she loves her?_  
> ...  
>  I’m not trying to split up the fandom I just live for angst/drama I’m sorry and as much as I hate love triangles I also live for them
> 
>  
> 
> The title of this fic comes from a sonnet (begining with the line "Time, that is pleased to lengthen out the day") by Edna St. Vincent Millay

At first, Ada was delighted that Hecate and Pippa were rekindling their friendship.

Ada liked Pippa, she really did. The headmistress of Pentangles was intelligent, creative, warm, had a sense of humor, and cared deeply about the craft and her students. It was also obvious that Pippa cared very much about and for Hecate. 

And Ada had always had a fondness for reconciliations. 

xxx

Ada knocked on Hecate’s door.

“Come in,” Hecate called.

Hecate and Pippa were sitting in Hecate’s parlor, a chess board and two empty teacups between them. 

“I hope I’m not interrupting.”

“Not at all, we were just finishing up,” Pippa said. “I need to be getting back to Pentangle’s anyway.”

“Who won?” Ada asked, nodding towards the game.

“Hiccup did,” Pippa smiled, “but she has promised me a rematch for next week.”

“It’s a nickname from school,” Hecate explained in answer to Ada’s inquiring look, flushing slightly as she did so.

“Good journey then, Pippa.”

“Thank you, Ada. Till next week, Hiccup.”

“It’s a charming nickname,” Ada said with a smile after Pippa had left.

Hecate cleared her throat. “Yes, well, we were very young, and for obvious reasons I would much rather the students call me HB if they insist on using something other than my correct name. Though if they ever dare call me HB to my face…”

“Your secret is safe with me,” Ada promised.

xxx

The more time the two younger witches spent together (and they were more than a decade younger than she was, Ada reminded herself ruefully), the more out-of-pace and superfluous Ada felt. There didn’t seem to be anything that Ada could offer Hecate that Pippa couldn’t, and perhaps it was better that Hecate spend time with a witch her own age. 

It had been a long time since Ada had really thought about the age difference between her and Hecate, but Pippa, with her bright smiles and bounce and enthusiasm and perkiness and seemingly endless energy made Ada feel older than she was.

Ada tried to tell herself firmly that she was being entirely ridiculous. Hecate and Pippa’s weekly chess games and occasional outings hardly left Ada cut off from Hecate’s life. She was just so used to being so often in Hecate’s company, that was all. But she worried a little, that what was really happening was that she resented the time Pippa spent with Hecate. When she began to feel a vague dislike for Pippa, she was both horrified because there was no good reason for that feeling, and worried that she was becoming a bit like Agatha. 

xxx

Ada was passing by Hecate’s door one Saturday morning on her way to breakfast, when to her considerable astonishment, the door opened and Pippa Pentangle emerged, sleep tousled and wearing Hecate’s spare dressing gown.

“Erm, well met, Miss Pentangle,” she managed.

“Well met, Ada.” 

Ada struggled to form a question that sounded neither impertinent nor nosy, rejecting, “what are you doing here?”, “I didn’t know you were spending the night,” finally settling on, “I was on my way to breakfast, would you care to join me?”

“I’d be delighted to. I couldn’t remember if Hecate had ever told me when breakfast began here and I didn’t want to wake her. Are you all right Ada? You look a bit strange.”

“Just not quite awake, I think,” Ada replied.

“Just a moment,” Pippa said and disappeared back in Hecate’s rooms. She reappeared in her regular clothes, hair pulled back into a ponytail. She eased the door shut behind her.

“Hecate and I rather lost track of time last night, and the weather being how it was Hecate insisted I spend the night. I didn’t want to trouble anyone about the guest rooms since it was so late and so Hecate kindly transformed her sofa into a bed for me,” Pippa explained as they walked down the hall. “I mirrored my deputy so she wouldn’t worry, but Hecate said we shouldn’t bother you since you were probably already asleep.”

Ada let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding.

“Are you quite sure you’re alright?”

“Quite sure. Shall we see what Mrs. Tapioca has cooked up this morning?”

xxxx

Unfortunately, the early morning encounter had forced Ada to consider a possibility that she had previously - that Hecate and Pippa might become an item. _They would make a very striking couple_ , Ada thought gloomily. _Tall and slim and beautifully dressed, the pair of them._

Worse, once she started looking for them, the signs were fairly obvious that Pippa _was_ interested in Hecate. The more she thought about it, re-evaluating the relationship in light of this new and troubling idea, the more sense it made. There had always been an underlying intensity to Hecate and Pippa’s relationship that she had not been able to quite place. Viewed in the light of the two of them having had some sort of prior romantic relationship, or at least feelings, everything was much clearer.

Hecate was more difficult to read, but surely if she was not already in love with Pippa it would take very little for her to become so.

With a sudden, horrid sinking feeling Ada realized that she herself was in love with Hecate, that she had been in love with her for years, and now it was far too late to do anything about it.

xxx

“Hecate, I thought you and Pippa were going out to lunch today?”

“We are,” she fiddled with her watch. “She must be running behind.”

“Hecate?” Pippa’s voice floated down the corridor.

“Pippa!” Hecate cried with delight, a smile on her face.

“As promised,” Pippa grinned, and hugged her.

Ada felt something small and unpleasant rising in her and squashed the feeling down. 

“Ada, I wonder if I might talk to you later this afternoon? I’ve had some ideas about that article on the academic/leisure balance at witching boarding schools that I’d like to bounce off you.”

“Of course. My schedule is flexible today, just let me know when you’re back.”

“Excellent!”

It was not fated to be one of Ada’s most productive afternoons, but she did manage to spend at least 60% of the time not thinking about Hecate and Pippa on their lunch date – was it a _date_ date?, a treacherous part of her mind that sounded suspiciously like Agatha wanted to know.

Hecate and Pippa came back from their meal and Pippa ended up drawing Hecate into the conversation with Ada, and on the whole it went very well. It was collegial and pleasant, aside from the pricks of jealousy Ada felt every time Pippa smiled at Hecate. The conversation drew to a natural close, and Pippa made her goodbyes to Ada and Hecate.

Then Pippa leaned over and kissed Hecate on the cheek so close to her mouth as to nearly make no difference, as far as Ada was concerned, and transferred out of the room. 

Hecate looked as startled as Ada felt, but beyond that Ada had no idea what her deputy thought of this development.

“Please excuse me,” Hecate stammered, and she transferred out of the room.

Ada removed her glasses and put her head in her hands. “What did I do to deserve this?” she muttered to herself.

xxx

Ada realized how bad things were getting only after the night she dreamed of Agatha.

_Ada was sitting in her armchair, fire roaring._

_“Hello, sister,” Agatha said._

_Ada glanced over and Agatha was sitting in the other chair. She had a vague feeling of wrongness – Agatha shouldn’t be there, she was pretty sure, but she couldn’t quite remember why._

_“Agatha,” she inclined her head. Hecate – Hecate was supposed to be here – was that why she was surprised to see Agatha?_

_“Where’s your Miss Hardbroom, Ada?”_

_Fear gripped Ada. “What have you done?”_

_“Me?” Agatha laughed. “For once, I haven’t done anything. You’ve done it all to yourself, my foolish, deluded sister.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_Agatha made a small motion and a standing mirror appeared in front of the fireplace, in which Ada could see Hecate and Pippa, locked in an embrace._

_Ada gasped._

_“Oh, I’m sorry,” Agatha said, not sounding sorry at all. “I thought you knew. Don’t they look good together? Perfectly matched in every way. Someone ought to paint their portrait, don’t you think?”_

_All the blood drained from Ada’s face. “Don’t-“ she croaked._

_“You did always take things so seriously, Ada. They’re fine. You on the other hand – oh my dear, I expected better of you, I really did. You have good taste, I’ll admit but really, you didn’t think you ever stood a chance, did you? Then again, I never thought you were as clever as Mother seemed to think you were.”_

_Agatha crossed her legs and leaned forward a little._

_“Ada, Ada, Ada, you really were always too naïve for your own good. Why on earth would Hecate Hardbroom want you, of all people when she has Pippa Pentangle wrapped around her little finger? Oh, she likes you well enough, as a friend, and as a mentor, but my dear, how could you think she could love you? She never cared for you the way you do for her.”_

_“I thought…” Ada whispered._

_“You thought,” Agatha mocked. “You thought what, exactly? You thought she would prefer to spend time with a witch more than a decade her senior, rather than a beautiful, intelligent witch of her own age, who knows parts of her life that you never will? You thought she would choose you over her long-lost love? Pippa is a fairytale, and you – well, you’re hardly the stuff that dreams are made of, are you?”_

_Agatha flicked her wrist and the mirror cleared, showing now only the two sisters._

_“Look at yourself. I at least know how to flaunt what I have. But you,” she gestured to Ada in the mirror, “did you really think Hecate would find you even the slightest bit attractive? Hecate Hardbroom, tall, slim, and stunningly gorgeous choose frumpy, dowdy, Ada Cackle? I don’t think so.”_

_Agatha banished the mirror and turned to look at Ada._

_“I sympathize, sister,” Agatha said in a cloyingly sweet tone. “You may find it hard to believe, but I do. But it’s no good, Ada. She’ll never have you. The sooner you get over this foolish infatuation the better. Hecate doesn’t love you – she never has, and she never will.”_

Ada woke up with a start and sat bolt upright, sweating and shaking. _It was just a dream_ , she told herself. _Just a dream, forget about it and go back to sleep._

Instead, she slipped out of bed and transferred to her office. The fire was long cold, and there were no signs of recent occupants.

 _It was a dream,_ she repeated, and quashed the urge to check on Hecate. _You are a foolish old woman and it. was. a. dream. Hecate will absolutely appreciate you showing up in her room in the middle of the night, and if you did wake her what exactly do you plan to say?_

She went back to her own bed and lay awake for a long time staring into the inky darkness. 

xxx

In the end, Ada decided that it really was very simple: what she wanted most in the world was for Hecate to be happy. Hecate would eventually choose Pippa, and Ada would be happy for her. In time, she thought she could be happy for them both. 

xxx

“Ada, you have seemed a bit out of sorts lately. Is something troubling you?” Hecate asked hesitantly.

This wasn’t what Ada had planned, but she was not going to lie to Hecate – that is, she was going to lie, but more by omission and she wasn’t going to pretend that Pippa had nothing to do with her current mood. Hecate at least deserved as much of the truth as would not hurt her.

Ada had practiced what she might say when Hecate came to her to tell her that she and Pippa were together. She’d also thought about what she would do to nudge Hecate towards Pippa if Hecate remained oblivious to Pippa’s hints. Ada had realized there was only so long she could stand the suspense of waiting for the inevitable, and if Pippa’s longing was even a quarter as bad as Ada’s own she would not wish that on her worst enemy, let alone someone as nice as Pippa.

She opened her mouth to deliver some version of this, but what came out instead was “I am terrified that you will marry Pippa, go teach at Pentangles and I will hardly ever see you again.”

“I- what?”

Ada groaned. “That is not what I meant to say.”

“I don’t understand. What on earth made you think I would leave here and marry Pippa?”

“I think she is in love with you, and you seem very fond of her. And, forgive me for I know it is none of my business but I was somewhat under the impression that there was a prior attachment between you two.”

“I see. You think you have seen certain things, and you have made wild assumptions about my private life and my past. _This_ is the firm foundation upon which your theory stands?”

Ada winced at her tone. “I’m so sorry Hecate, I didn’t…” she trailed off helplessly.

“There is a little bit of truth in your suppositions. I _was_ in love with Pippa when we were girls. I thought she didn’t feel the same way, and because I was young and inexperienced and terrified I ended up hurting her very badly. It was only recently that I realized how wrong I had been and just how badly I had hurt her. We became friends again, as you know, and I did wonder if things might be different this time.”

She shook her head and smiled without warmth.

“It was different, just not in the way I had thought. Do you know what I discovered? After all this time that this unresolved thing sat between Pippa and me, all this time that I thought she would be the one great love of my life, I’d fallen in love with another witch. I’d fallen in love with you.”

“But you can’t have done,” Ada said stupidly.

She wished she could take the words back as look of such hurt flitted across Hecate’s face before her expression resolved itself into anger.

“I’m sorry if my feelings inconvenience you, headmistress,” she hissed, a bright spot of color on each cheek. “Perhaps I should ask Pippa if Pentangles has any openings.”

“No! Hecate, please, that’s not what I meant at all. I’m muddling this so badly. I thought I had no hope of your affection – I was certain I could not measure up to Pippa.”

“Then – you love me?” 

“Very much, my dear.”

“But I don’t understand why you thought yourself less worthy than Pippa.”

“Do I really have to spell it out for you?”

“Yes, because this isn’t making sense.”

Ada resisted the urge to pick nervously at the hem of her jumper, and folded her hands in her lap.

“My dear, Pippa is bright, intelligent, attractive, and your contemporary. I am short, probably two stone heavier than either of you, quite a bit older than you, and sometimes I am very foolish indeed. You deserve the very best, and you can do so much better than me.”

“You’re right about one thing, you are being incredibly foolish right now,” Hecate said gently, with a hint of exasperation. “I love you, Ada. I want you, and I think I ought to get some say in this. I don’t want Pippa. I want you.”

Hecate took Ada’s hands in her own. “Please look at me, Ada,” she begged softly. “Do you really think so little of yourself, and so little of me that I would reject you for the reasons you’ve given? You are kind and giving, intelligent and curious, generous, warm, and more forgiving and patient than anyone else I know. You are the bright spot in my world.”

Hecate reached out and touched Ada’s cheek lightly. “You are also a very beautiful woman, and even if you cannot see that, I can. The Pippa Pentangles of this world are not the only beautiful people.”

“I’m still considerably older than you.”

“I don’t care about that. It’s not been an issue all these years that we’ve been colleagues and friends, and I don’t see why it should start being a problem now.”

“Oh Hecate, I don’t deserve you,” Ada protested, but she was smiling.

“Well, I don’t think I deserve you so that makes us even.”

“You really think I’m beautiful?” Ada asked shyly.

“Very,” Hecate confirmed. “You are a singularly beautiful and attractive witch, Ada Cackle.”

xx  
_Epilogue_

Ada had not known that she could be this happy, but loving Hecate and being loved by her in return was wonderful. Ada also treasured the intimate domesticity she and Hecate now shared. It surprised her how much she loved the small things, such as curling up with Hecate on the couch, each of them absorbed in a book, as the rain fell softly against the window.

With a yawn she closed her book, put it and her glasses on the side table, and burrowed closer to Hecate.

Hecate’s lips brushed across the top of Ada’s head. “You could go to bed, you know,” she said, amused.

“Mmm, but I’d have to get up,” Ada pointed out, shifting to tuck herself more comfortably into Hecate’s shoulder. “And it’s so cozy here.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you’re all stiff in the morning.”

“Yes, dear.”

She must have fallen asleep, because when she opened her eyes the room was even darker and Hecate was carefully easing off the couch.

“Don’t go,” Ada mumbled.

“You’re welcome to stay out here,” Hecate said fondly, “but I intend to sleep in a bed tonight.”

Ada felt Hecate laying a blanket over her.

“No,” Ada sighed, “You’re right. Bed is a much better idea.”

She struggled into a sitting position, and Hecate handed her her glasses.

“Thank you.”

Ada sank gratefully into bed, and pulled the covers around her. She felt a slight dip as Hecate got in on the other side, and a tug on the blankets. She curled into a tighter ball.

“Ada,” Hecate whispered.

“Hmm?”

“You’re hogging the covers.”

“Come over here then,” she murmured.

“Ada,” Hecate sighed, “You’ve wrapped them around yourself. It doesn’t matter where I am on the bed, you have to untangle yourself a little.”

“Oh, very well, if you insist.”

“Thank you.”

“I love you, Hecate,” she mumbled as she drifted off.

“I love you too, Ada.”

**Author's Note:**

> A tip of the hat to the musical _1776_ from which I borrowed and modified a line of Abigail Adams: _Oh, John, can you really know so little about yourself? And can you really think so little of me that you believe I'd marry the man you've described?_


End file.
